Friday, December 25, 2009

Im Going Weak and Weaker Now...

I always thought that I can be strong if whatever happens to this relationship. This time , I cant get back on my feet as firm as before. I even feel despair , and got no heart to make new entry. Im totally breaking down like hell. Sometimes, i whispered to myself wishing that God to end my life right now before i go super duper crazy. Damn, I dont supposed to wish like that but it spills out like everyday now. Please punch me, hold my hands and get me back to the reality.

Im fucking crying like a little baby that has lost her mummy. I am ashamed with my self, feeling so helpless , looking so weak now. Im not supposed to be like this! I am a neon lamp that shimmers at night but the plug is just not functioning now! So, I tried to get through this nightmare with eating a lot, shop like crazy, and even listen to the top rated nasyid in my playlist. Glad to see that my weight is now 46 kg, and after shopping and all my money has gone and Im barely broke. All Im trying to do is to make myself happy but apparently I dont feel it at all. Its all fake. Im fake.

"All I need you to do is take care of yourself okay..." Damn it. How can you expect me to take care of myself if you take away my life, my breath, my eyes, my ears, and mostly my SOAL? No, I cant take care of myself. I will die with suffer. Doom me - bye bye. Like if you care. ?

Someone please help me. Im so in S.O.S..

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